Forgive Me
by khnfghl
Summary: Still sucks at summaries Uhm... it's kinda just Kratos remembering certain things about Lloyd.


Haha I was writing a different story and I realized "Waitaminute! I can't do Kratos' personality! I'mgonnamessupandpeoplearegonnahatemee!"...

And then, after staring at a BEAUTIFUL piccy of angel Kratos for atleast 5 minutes, I decided I should practice... and I had an idea, so it worked.

So here's said practice: (in Kratos' POV)

DISLAIMER: Don't own ToS, never will.

PS: certain details about Anna aren't perfect, sorry.

ANOTHER PS: To save your eyes, it's not entirely in italics. Just thoughts. Flashbacks aren't italicized, but conveniently happen to be the only thing with any quotes at all. You've been warned.

* * *

_Lloyd..._

_I remember the day that he was born..._

"Oh look, Kratos!! A baby boy!!" Anna was ecstatic, and... so was I. "What should we name him?" she asked gently, after taking time to cherish the moment.

"Hmm..." I began. "I hadn't really given it much thought..." I answered.

"Well..." she stared off into the distance. "What about... Lloyd?" she asked quietly. "Would that be a good name for him?"

I smiled. "That's a beautiful name. So it's Lloyd?"

"Mmhmm!"

_I looked back at her and began to think of how my life would be different... how our lives would be different... the three of us: myself, Anna, and Lloyd... beautiful, happy, healthy Lloyd... I swore on my life that I would never hurt him, never lie to him, ...never leave him behind... And we spent the next __ 5 __beautiful, dreamlike years watching him change and grow, into all that we expected him to... but then..._

"Daddy..." Lloyd whispered sleepily. He was falling further out of his senses as the night wore on.

"Yes Lloyd?"

"When I grow up... I wanna have swords like you... and I'm gonna be really cool... and help people... and... do stuff... and..." He stopped talking to yawn. "Hey... mommy was supposed to be home at... this one!" I watched him jump up and point to a number on the clock. "...but now the little pointer is waaaaaay over here..." He traced around the outside of the clock, almost all the way around to his other finger.

I looked out the window after realizing Lloyd's point. through the rain, I could see that the night was stating to fade back into morning. Anna had promised to be home before nightfall, but...

"Daddy...?" Lloyd looked at me, scared. "Daddy... where's mommy...?" he asked frantically.

"She'll be here..." I told him, though more trying to convince myself. "She promised, remember?"

"Yeah..." Lloyd walked over to the window, and after staring out it for a moment, he sat on the rug beneath it.

"It'll be alright..." I tried to comfort him.

And then, as if on cue, came a sudden knock at the door. Lloyd seemed excited, but I had a bad feeling about it...

"Hello?" I asked as I opened the door. Simple enough, there was just a man standing at the door. Sure, he seemed to be very upset, but he was still nonetheless just an ordinary man. But behind him... was this... thing... creature... monster...

"What Have you done with Anna?! where is she!?" I demanded... And then it hit me: this monster... was Anna...

I looked back at Lloyd. "Daddy?" he whispered. "...what's...going on?"

Terrified, I grabbed Lloyd up off the floor and ran... and ran... and ran. . .

"Kratos..." I heard a familiar voice behind me. I turned to face my nightmare; I had no choice.

"Kratos..."

"Anna...?"

"Kratos, kill me." she said. "I don't want to end up hurting you... or Lloyd... or anyone!"

Again, I had no choice... I did as she said... I... killed her...

I looked at the blood on my hands... and I realized... what I had just done...

I looked at Lloyd, sitting there drenched, shivering from a combination of the cold from the rain... and fear. I decided right there that if I continued to raise him, he'd be afraid of me... forever... and I'd never be able to live with that... I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his tiny body. "I'll come back Lloyd... I promise..." And with that, I turned and walked away, weighed down with the guilt of killing the love of my life... and of leaving my one and only child confused, scared, and alone in the rain...

_... But I never really left. I stayed there the whole time, watching him from the shadows, ensuring that he lived a good life. And so far, he'd proved to. Over time, he found friends like Colette and Genis... and Dirk, all of whom made him so much happier than I ever could have. And ion time, he began to forget the pain... forget that night... but also forget how much i loved him... But... I was happy for him._

_And I came back. I took the Oracles as an opportunity... an opportunity to learn who my son had become, even though he didn't remember me... but that... seemed to be good for him..._

_Forgive me, Lloyd...

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_((cries)) that was hard...

Anyways, I need opinions; I don't plan on going back to the other story untill I can get Kratos' personality right....

And you wanna know how you can help me? ((big smile)) You really wanna know? ((points to whatever colored button it is now))


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